Happy next Independence day

I would like to extend warm Other Side of the Coin Happy 4th of July to all two of our avid fans, especially all of our readers in Canada.

Let me just say that I think that the 4th of July, or Independence day as it is formally known, is by far the best holiday of all(yes, even better than Christmas) because it was made right here in the good ol’ U.S of A.

Today, not only do we celebrate our Independence from the red coat Saxton dogs across the pond, we also celebrate everything that is American and we spend the day being only American. You know, because some days we’re French (we don’t shave our bodies, we’re dicks to everyone and we lose at everything except, of course, the World Cup). Some days we’re German (we drink, drive fast and we drink). Some times we’re Irish (we drink). And other times we’re *insert nationality here* (we *insert stereo type about aforementioned nationality*). But Americans take the best from all of those: we’re dicks to everyone while we drink and drive fast as well as some other things that are American.

To celebrate, I set out to do things that are purely American. Not only did I steal two American flags but I also ate a base ball, watched an apple pie and listened to the Jimi Hendrix version of the Star Spangled Banner. Yet, as I sit here at around 6:00 p.m. I have not yet blown any shit up and that pisses me off because if there is one thing that is uniquely American it is the desire to blow shit up on a massive scale at whim.

Also, this day, I think it is important to celebrate personal independence. For instance, there was a fly buzzing around my legs all day and it was annoying the shit out of me. So I promptly declared my independence from the fly then and when it didn’t leave I swatted it with my right flip flop picked it up with my bare hands and threw it into the toilet. I then proceeded to triumphantly piss on the fly before I flushed it down.

This Independence Day is strangely significant because it brings to light some revolutionary feelings inside myself. Let me take you back a few hours to this morning. I was awoken my shoes being thrown at my face and the sound of giddy laughter coming from my mother, who was sitting in a chair across from my couch throwing shoes at my face and laughing. Then she had the nerve to get mad when I chucked a shoe back (being half asleep it went wide right). Her action was an unprovoked act of war whereas mine was a measured response to an outright attack.

This all made me think that next Independence day when I will truly be celebrating my personal independence and isn’t that a great feeling because the thing that is truly American is the ability to do what ever the fuck you want and, you know, I’ve got that feeling.

Have a happy safe Independence day and, for all of you in the same place as me, raise the nearest beverage to only one more year of tyranny.

I’m off to blow shit up,
Adam