You Never Know

I have been wondering about the future. If I had a chance to see it, I'm not sure that I would want to. Things would be easier to understand, maybe what I'm doing right now is really going to pay off later. But what if what I'm doing right now has no value towards me in 10 years? That's what makes me wonder....as does Britney Spears. She also makes me wonder.

The thing that I really don't like to do is waste time. For some reason, I'm alllways short on time, and any second that I have wasted where I could be doing something that I love is crappy. It makes me think, I'm breaking my back working hard at things I despise, and if I know the slight direction I want to go in for my future, should I really stress out about things, or should I just screw it? If I will never need this in my years to come, is it worth doing right now?

College has been on the minds of some people, and I get asked where I want to go. Hell if I know. Why you have to plan your life in black and white at the age of 18 is beyond me. We can't drink yet, we just got the right to vote and smoke, somehow we're supposed to choose the school we want to go to, the classes we want to take, the majors we want to pick out, and maybe even a person we want to be with?

And whyyy are so many people just choosing the 'road' that is simple? College that gives the largest scholarship, place where my parents want me to go, why does it have to be right now? Right out of highschool, we've been locked in chains for the past 18 years by our parents and other authority figures, do you think we want to settle down and concentrate on more school...cuz I don't think I do. Sometimes I think that people in this small town don't set their standards high enough for their potential. I feel like a crazy person for not wanting to go down the right road and for wanting to get out of here and go out there. Where is there? I suppose I'd find it when I get there. Irresponsible, oh yes. Impractical, sounds like it to me. Does it help my future career....does it help my future?

Probably not. But I don't want the activites that I do in highschool stereotype me now, I hope I don't let my paycheck and my job define who I am later. For right now, its not about the future and hoping I'll get through college with honors and job offers, landing a 9-5iver, meeting the 'love' of my life, popping out a few kids, maybe getting divorced because who doesn't these days?...For right now, it should be about living the life I want to, and finding out what I want out of myself. Because, once you grow up...your grown up.

Maybe I'll crash and burn after highschool. Maybe the choice I'm going to make will be the stupidest thing I've ever done. But at least I tried, and I know that at some point in time, I was doing what I wanted to do and not what I should have done. If I do what I should do, I wouldn't be satisfied and I'd be "shoulding' all over myself." (Sex and the City)

Maybe it'll be bleek, maybe I'll be a bum on the streets, or a famous movie star, aspiring author, nutritionist, teacher, prostitute, stay at home mom, yoga instructor, hippie, choreographer, screen writer, manager at Runza. You never know....and thank God for that. Its not like I think I'm going to die tomorrow, I don't see it as living this day like its my last, I see it as living this day because its this day...because its my life.